Dear Sherry:
Guys are unexplainable, but one thing I would like to know is, why can't they make up their minds? My ex-boyfriend was as perfect for me as I was for him, and we both knew that. We were always on the same page, and when we weren't we worked to get there. He told me I was all he could ever want, and then two weeks later he changed his mind and said he didn't feel the same way any more. That's the only explanation he gave me. He just changed his mind. I want to know what gives him the right to just change his mind like that? No warnings, no signals.
Perplexed
"Why can't men make up their minds?" is one of life's great mysteries, along with "Why do clothes dryers always swallow socks?" Some things just happen.
But are you sure there were no signs? You neglected to mention how long the two of you had been dating, or whether he was perhaps recovering from a heartbreak that would make him commitment-shy. Did he talk about getting serious, or did he utter telling comments such as "If I was the marrying kind, you're exactly who I'd want to settle down with"? Did he introduce you to his family and friends, or were your trysts always one on one? What I'm getting at is, there's nearly always a sign of Trouble Ahead if we're searching for it, but often we prefer wearing blinders.
As to your last wistful query, "What gives him the right to change his mind like that?" I must offer this response: You had the same right. Unfortunately, budding romances aren't like new household appliances; they don't come with a money-back guarantee.
297 member responses
Guys are unexplainable, but one thing I would like to know is, why can't they make up their minds? My ex-boyfriend was as perfect for me as I was for him, and we both knew that. We were always on the same page, and when we weren't we worked to get there. He told me I was all he could ever want, and then two weeks later he changed his mind and said he didn't feel the same way any more. That's the only explanation he gave me. He just changed his mind. I want to know what gives him the right to just change his mind like that? No warnings, no signals.
Perplexed
our experts say:
Dear Perplexed:"Why can't men make up their minds?" is one of life's great mysteries, along with "Why do clothes dryers always swallow socks?" Some things just happen.
But are you sure there were no signs? You neglected to mention how long the two of you had been dating, or whether he was perhaps recovering from a heartbreak that would make him commitment-shy. Did he talk about getting serious, or did he utter telling comments such as "If I was the marrying kind, you're exactly who I'd want to settle down with"? Did he introduce you to his family and friends, or were your trysts always one on one? What I'm getting at is, there's nearly always a sign of Trouble Ahead if we're searching for it, but often we prefer wearing blinders.
As to your last wistful query, "What gives him the right to change his mind like that?" I must offer this response: You had the same right. Unfortunately, budding romances aren't like new household appliances; they don't come with a money-back guarantee.
297 member responses
members say:
PAIN by DEADGIRL
I nagged him once, via text and he left. If I had been a nicer person, he wouldn't have left.
--Posted by deadgirl, Washington, DC
I nagged him once, via text and he left. If I had been a nicer person, he wouldn't have left.
--Posted by deadgirl, Washington, DC
aomething like what happened to clueles happened to me and i really need an opinion i was in a relationship for 3 months, with the most caring and loving guy, one day he wrote me te most romantoc letter, gave flowers and pictures of the two of us, he went on vacation for 2 weeks after that and when he returned he broke up with me, i accepted but i really cant understand, i know all his family and friends and i dont know how he possibly could stop loving me after 2 weeks whats wrong with him or with me
--Posted by confused
--Posted by confused
me and my boyfriend has been dateing for a few weeks and everything was going good until a phone call came through and all hell seem to break loose the kissing and hugin stoped an the calls as well but he hasn't told me it's over what shell i do?????
--Posted by worried, mesquite, TX
--Posted by worried, mesquite, TX
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does he want to break up with me
Im in high school and my boyfriend isnt hannging around with me anymore and isnt really talking to me. If i see him and were going diffrent ways i will wave but he wont. He is shy i have noticed that and i guess u could say i am 2. And i want to start doing da kissing and holding hands when walking together but mi friends say his not into that but i want to start doing all that. We have being goin out 4 10 weeks now. SO whats going on?
--Posted by Roxy, perth, WA
Im in high school and my boyfriend isnt hannging around with me anymore and isnt really talking to me. If i see him and were going diffrent ways i will wave but he wont. He is shy i have noticed that and i guess u could say i am 2. And i want to start doing da kissing and holding hands when walking together but mi friends say his not into that but i want to start doing all that. We have being goin out 4 10 weeks now. SO whats going on?
--Posted by Roxy, perth, WA
Don't believe them
All this, I'm stressed with work, I've got too much going on stuff is a load of BS. Sometimes men just fall out of love, hard to accept but true. Generally for a man telling someone that they are stressed with work is easier than saying I don't love you anymore. Don't read anything into the BS he feeds you, hoping that once things at work improve he'll get back with you, HE WON'T, he just doesn't love you anymore, DEAL WITH IT!!!
--Posted by anonymous
All this, I'm stressed with work, I've got too much going on stuff is a load of BS. Sometimes men just fall out of love, hard to accept but true. Generally for a man telling someone that they are stressed with work is easier than saying I don't love you anymore. Don't read anything into the BS he feeds you, hoping that once things at work improve he'll get back with you, HE WON'T, he just doesn't love you anymore, DEAL WITH IT!!!
--Posted by anonymous
Guys who don't know what they want?
My boyfriend and I just broke up after two and half years of dating on and off. His reasons include that I'm not as open to new experiences as he is, I can be judgemental at times, and that he thinks I don't connect with him the way I do with other people. He says he loves me so much and that many things are really good in the relationship, but that he wants a really "great" relationship. What the hell does all that mean??
--Posted by anonymous
My boyfriend and I just broke up after two and half years of dating on and off. His reasons include that I'm not as open to new experiences as he is, I can be judgemental at times, and that he thinks I don't connect with him the way I do with other people. He says he loves me so much and that many things are really good in the relationship, but that he wants a really "great" relationship. What the hell does all that mean??
--Posted by anonymous
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Can we ever not play games??
I know how you guys feel... my boyfriend of 5 months (kind of seems a small amount of time typing out lol) totally surprised me Friday when he said it's over. Although he's introduced me to all his good friends (today we were supposed to go to a BBQ together) and family... suddenly when he has a few minutes to spare at work no less, he tells me he's been wanting to break up for a while. Ouch... could he be more harsh?? And just like that, I feel like my best friend is gone. Everyone thinks he's got another girl lined up already even though he's saying he needs a break from dating that he didn't have enough time after the last two girls he dated.... never a break. People are awfully good at pretending, he couldn't have been more caring or affectionate... i just went to his father's birthday party less than a week ago. And what happened in between the time he said we really have something going for us and now? It's just frustrating... how do you know if anything is ever real when you get surprised like this? This is hardly the first time this has happened.
--Posted by clueless, Detroit Metro area, MI
I know how you guys feel... my boyfriend of 5 months (kind of seems a small amount of time typing out lol) totally surprised me Friday when he said it's over. Although he's introduced me to all his good friends (today we were supposed to go to a BBQ together) and family... suddenly when he has a few minutes to spare at work no less, he tells me he's been wanting to break up for a while. Ouch... could he be more harsh?? And just like that, I feel like my best friend is gone. Everyone thinks he's got another girl lined up already even though he's saying he needs a break from dating that he didn't have enough time after the last two girls he dated.... never a break. People are awfully good at pretending, he couldn't have been more caring or affectionate... i just went to his father's birthday party less than a week ago. And what happened in between the time he said we really have something going for us and now? It's just frustrating... how do you know if anything is ever real when you get surprised like this? This is hardly the first time this has happened.
--Posted by clueless, Detroit Metro area, MI
