In a recent study, researchers at the Yale University of Public Health found that people in relationships have great influence over each other's behavior when it comes to health. The study found that as one person started to improve a bad behavior, the other partner often followed suit.
For instance: 30% of males and 28% of females followed their partner when he or she started exercising. And 29% of males and 22% of females followed their partner when he or she stopped smoking.
So even though it might feel like your spouse ignores you, and you have little impact on his or her behavior, take heart—you really do! And maybe that means it's time to kick start a healthy change and watch him follow you:
Commit to starting a regular exercise routine
Kick that smoking habit
Get that flu shot
And what about all the other good examples you can set that might make a difference, too? His inability to pick up his socks? His resistance to putting the seat down? Is there something that he does that really pushes your buttons? Tell us what habit of your partner's you would most like to change—whether it's health related or not. And see if other iVillagers don't share the exact same view of their partners...
130 member responses
iVillagers' Marital Wishes
Trying to hang in there
my bf and i have been together for three years and he is a great guy except for the fact that he has a problem with sex. He seems to be embarrassed by it. I thing that something terrible happened to him as a child and he has carried it over into his adult life. I love him alot and I love having sex with him but he seems to regret me for it. I am thinking about investing in a gooood vibrator
--Posted by Karli, , baltimore
my bf and i have been together for three years and he is a great guy except for the fact that he has a problem with sex. He seems to be embarrassed by it. I thing that something terrible happened to him as a child and he has carried it over into his adult life. I love him alot and I love having sex with him but he seems to regret me for it. I am thinking about investing in a gooood vibrator
--Posted by Karli, , baltimore
Am I only attractive when he's drunk?
My partner drinks a lot. Recently, however, he confessed to me his acknowledgement of his problem (for the past year). He's more sexual and touchy with me when he drinks. He is also more vocal and sassy. The other night he told me he loved me and talked about how good-looking our kids would be. I actually got giddy, but the next day (when I was sober) realized we were both drunk. For the record, I do not have an alcohol problem. I drink on the weekends, period and get drunk recreationally only. Nevertheless, I wish he would be as touchy and affectionate with me when he's not inebriated.
--Posted by Michelle, NY
My partner drinks a lot. Recently, however, he confessed to me his acknowledgement of his problem (for the past year). He's more sexual and touchy with me when he drinks. He is also more vocal and sassy. The other night he told me he loved me and talked about how good-looking our kids would be. I actually got giddy, but the next day (when I was sober) realized we were both drunk. For the record, I do not have an alcohol problem. I drink on the weekends, period and get drunk recreationally only. Nevertheless, I wish he would be as touchy and affectionate with me when he's not inebriated.
--Posted by Michelle, NY
I'm tired of being married to his family. He's constantly working and we live with his parents, so his mom and I spend a lot of time together. Lately we don't even talk to each other, just a hi and a bye here and there.
--Posted by anonymous
--Posted by anonymous
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he drinks
My long distance boyfriend and I are having problems. We talk on the phone, but lately we have become bored and do nothing but fight. He feels like I could do so much better than him because he feels like he's nothing but a screw up. He had stopped drinking when we first met, but because of our fights an issues, he has returned to numbing his pain with alcohol. I don?t like seeing him sad, but from seven hours away I feel helpless. He drinks because he feels like he hurts me, but I cry because it hurts to hear him hurting. What can I do or say to him to help?
--Posted by Cortnei, Rocklin, CA
My long distance boyfriend and I are having problems. We talk on the phone, but lately we have become bored and do nothing but fight. He feels like I could do so much better than him because he feels like he's nothing but a screw up. He had stopped drinking when we first met, but because of our fights an issues, he has returned to numbing his pain with alcohol. I don?t like seeing him sad, but from seven hours away I feel helpless. He drinks because he feels like he hurts me, but I cry because it hurts to hear him hurting. What can I do or say to him to help?
--Posted by Cortnei, Rocklin, CA
chill maar yaar.
dont contact him--- no sms, phone calls or email. ...... remain unavailable, let hime miss you and think what happend all of a sudden. reverse the rejecion on him n then c... he will come crawling.
--Posted by barkha, delhi
dont contact him--- no sms, phone calls or email. ...... remain unavailable, let hime miss you and think what happend all of a sudden. reverse the rejecion on him n then c... he will come crawling.
--Posted by barkha, delhi
I cant tell if he loves me
He tells me he loves me sometimes like when we are in bed and snuggling. I guess I want more from him.
--Posted by anonymous
He tells me he loves me sometimes like when we are in bed and snuggling. I guess I want more from him.
--Posted by anonymous
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He talks CONSTANTLY!
Seriously, I just moved in with my bf and he talks ALL THE TIME. About nothing. And wants my attention all the time, too. If I'm not at work, we're together. I have no quiet time to myself anymore. I don't know what to do. It's already putting a strain on our relationship. Help!
--Posted by Elizabeth, Janesville, WI
Seriously, I just moved in with my bf and he talks ALL THE TIME. About nothing. And wants my attention all the time, too. If I'm not at work, we're together. I have no quiet time to myself anymore. I don't know what to do. It's already putting a strain on our relationship. Help!
--Posted by Elizabeth, Janesville, WI
Does tomorrow come?
My wife had been a single mom for 6 years before we met,and a school teacher. I can only tip my hat to all single moms out there having been raised by one myself. She cannot really relax when we are together. If it's not her kids then it's grading papers etc. I do more than my fair share around the house and more to alieviate her burdens, however, it doesn't ever seem to be enough. Even when it's "our time" she still seems pre-occupied with promises we'll have more time tomorrow. She rarely even listens to music and prefers NPR. It drives me as well as the kids crazy! I am a lot more easy going and appreciate today, not tomorrows. I was fortunate enough 4 years before we met to recieve a Kidney and Pancreas transplant, so I live every day as a blessing to cherish. Especially now with the economy the way it is, "Does tomorrow come"? She will not let go of the thought that the responsibility of the world is hers & hers alone. The more time I can generate for us to have some quality time for us, after the kids and work, seem to go into her trying to cram even more time into life. I wish I had a cure but all I can do is hope that she sees the light before it is too late and todays... tomorrows have passed her by and left her beautiful kindred spirit with forgotten yesterdays instead... Either way, I will wait on later todays with open arms and dreams that can come true. "Live life as if you stole it".
--Posted by Simply me333, Gig Harbor, WA
My wife had been a single mom for 6 years before we met,and a school teacher. I can only tip my hat to all single moms out there having been raised by one myself. She cannot really relax when we are together. If it's not her kids then it's grading papers etc. I do more than my fair share around the house and more to alieviate her burdens, however, it doesn't ever seem to be enough. Even when it's "our time" she still seems pre-occupied with promises we'll have more time tomorrow. She rarely even listens to music and prefers NPR. It drives me as well as the kids crazy! I am a lot more easy going and appreciate today, not tomorrows. I was fortunate enough 4 years before we met to recieve a Kidney and Pancreas transplant, so I live every day as a blessing to cherish. Especially now with the economy the way it is, "Does tomorrow come"? She will not let go of the thought that the responsibility of the world is hers & hers alone. The more time I can generate for us to have some quality time for us, after the kids and work, seem to go into her trying to cram even more time into life. I wish I had a cure but all I can do is hope that she sees the light before it is too late and todays... tomorrows have passed her by and left her beautiful kindred spirit with forgotten yesterdays instead... Either way, I will wait on later todays with open arms and dreams that can come true. "Live life as if you stole it".
--Posted by Simply me333, Gig Harbor, WA
DON'T KNOW
He is ignoring me since November. When i ask him a questions online , he will say he is busy & can't chat with me right now. This week, i find and ask him " Why you want to ignore ?" . He said "I working and i don't want you to get worry about it. ". He said he will still be busy until March. But he was telling his friends that we already broke up . I don't get why he is doing this to me. Is he reali want to break with me but don't want to tell me?? Now i still want to believe that we be together , but my friends say that we should break up , cause he is doing all this to me.I'm so confuse & upset now.
--Posted by how??
He is ignoring me since November. When i ask him a questions online , he will say he is busy & can't chat with me right now. This week, i find and ask him " Why you want to ignore ?" . He said "I working and i don't want you to get worry about it. ". He said he will still be busy until March. But he was telling his friends that we already broke up . I don't get why he is doing this to me. Is he reali want to break with me but don't want to tell me?? Now i still want to believe that we be together , but my friends say that we should break up , cause he is doing all this to me.I'm so confuse & upset now.
--Posted by how??
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miserable loves company
My bf n i have been together for 3 months but we were friends before that,,he is 23 and i am 18..i had just recently moved a couple provinces away to finish school n be wit my family for a bit..i also have a job,i am pretty much supporting myself,,whenever i tak to him..we can't talk like we used to..he isn't doing anything with his life and he plays the victim,,he lives with his mother who doesn't expect him to pay rent or anything,he doesn't have a job..he doesn't want to try..he is negative and is bringing me down with his miserableness,i wanted to break up with him,but stay friends.i hope he will do somethin that will make him happy,i love him n that will never change..and i will love to spend the rest of my life with him,but only if he isn't so miserable!!!
--Posted by Half full
My bf n i have been together for 3 months but we were friends before that,,he is 23 and i am 18..i had just recently moved a couple provinces away to finish school n be wit my family for a bit..i also have a job,i am pretty much supporting myself,,whenever i tak to him..we can't talk like we used to..he isn't doing anything with his life and he plays the victim,,he lives with his mother who doesn't expect him to pay rent or anything,he doesn't have a job..he doesn't want to try..he is negative and is bringing me down with his miserableness,i wanted to break up with him,but stay friends.i hope he will do somethin that will make him happy,i love him n that will never change..and i will love to spend the rest of my life with him,but only if he isn't so miserable!!!
--Posted by Half full
