1. It’s not fair to conceal crucial facts that affect your partner. A spouse has a righ to know essential facts in order to think clearly about the present and to plan for the future.
2. The loss of a spouse or a partner should never come out of the blue. Many couples constantly fight, blame, complain, and angrily threaten divorce - but never take action. That’s why, if you’re truly considering leaving, you need to tell your spouse/partner in a different way. You’d expect no less from your boss at work, right>? You wouldn’t want a supervisor to be criticizing you and giving you negative feedback when the the real message is, “These are the specific things that need to change in order for you to keep this job.”
3. A partner will have the best chance of deciding whether to make the necessary changes (go to marital therapy, find a job, become a partner in housework and parenting) if he knows that the problems are so serious that you’re contemplating divorce. If you’re very clear that you can’t continue with the status quo, your partner will also be clear about his willingness (or unwillingness) to change and about how much the marriage means to him.
4. Talking frankly about divorce will make the possibility of divorce more real to you. Doing so will ultimately add greater clarity to your own thinking, whatever path of action you choose.

A couple of caveats: Obviously , we should never mention divorce (or anything else for that matter) if there is any possibility that a partner will become violent or out of control. In such a case, we first need to seek appropriate help and ensure our physical safety. Nor is it wise to begin a serious talk about divorce if we suspect that a partner might do something sneaky with money that would jeopardize a fair and equitable financial settlement. In such a case, it’s wise to first consult an attorney. Finally, if you’ve already made up your mind to leave, it’s not fair to involve your partner in conversations that imply you’re still willing to work on the marriage.