Hurt, pain, loss, and anger are a few of the feelings you may have about your separation or divorce. And while this may be one of the most painful or stressful periods in your life, it's at least doubly so for your children.

Experts agree that far too often it's children who suffer most in separation or divorce proceedings, and so it's important to handle telling them in a mature, adult manner. "Before you tell your kids about your decision to end your marriage, discuss with your spouse what you are going to say and how you will say it," says Stephanie Marston, a licensed marriage, family and child counselor, in her book The Divorced Parent. Julie Criss-Hagerty, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist in Newhall, CA concurs and adds, "The optimum time is when you have made the final decision to separate and you have a time line as to what is going to happen. Have a game plan in mind with details about visitations, phone calls, and where Mom and Dad are going to be living. The more information children have about the day-to-day facts, the better they are able to deal with this period."

And, if possible, this job should not be done solo. "There are several advantages to telling your children the news together. You let them know that your decision is mutual, mature and rational, one that you both have considered carefully and to which you are committed," Marston says. In addition, some experts feel that this approach sends a positive message about the future.

Here are some strategies and tips for talking to your kids, and for helping them deal with the aftermath of the news: