Dirty talk can be a serious turn on — but it can also be seriously intimidating. For answers on how to do it right, we went to the most passionate lady we could think of: Pat Davis, CEO of Passion Parties, Inc. In this excerpt from her book The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex, she debunks a few common concerns about dirty talk, provides real sample phrases to work with and even gives some options for the truly timid.

What's the difference between just talking about sex and "dirty talk" — or, as we like to call it around here, passion chat? Well, talking about sex is figuring out with your guy what either of you — or both of you — would like. It's having an adult discussion about your preferences and dislikes, while guiding each other in a helpful way. But then there's also passion chat — what some people call "talking dirty" or "naughty talk" — the kind of language that in the bedroom or on the phone can help arouse either or both of you and make the whole act more exciting.

Lots of people of both sexes find passion chat intimidating, and if you really hate the whole idea of doing this, or if you can't stand the version of it that turns your partner on, of course you have the right to say no. But before you write off the idea of dirty talk entirely, maybe give it a try. As with so many sexual activities, learning that you can do it, you're good at it, and you can make your partner happy with it might easily turn an act that seemed daunting and distasteful into one that now seems delightful and delicious.

Watch Video: Sexy Texts

Think about it. You murmur a few words into his ear, and he begins to pant with desire… You keep talking, and he gets more and more aroused… Now he really wants you, but you say, "Not quite yet." You just keep whispering, as he wants you more, and more, and more… See what I mean? That could be something you just might learn to like! And if you're the one who wants your guy to use some passion chat with you? Talk him through the basics if he's having trouble. Don't expect him to already know how to go about this, and don't make him feel bad for doing it the wrong way. One little "Eew! Disgusting!" — however well deserved — will keep him quiet in the bedroom for a long, long time to come.

Here at Passion Parties, we generally stick with the clinical terms for sexual acts and body parts because we're adults and we want to talk about the topic in an adult way. That's the rule [I follow in my book], too, but that's not necessarily how you and your man will want to talk in bed. You'll need to find out what works for both of you: "penis" and "vagina" or words that are a bit more down and dirty — which is exactly why they turn you on. If there are words that you just aren't comfortable hearing from your partner, share them with him, and invite him to do the same. If there are words that you find sexy, let him know that, too. Don't be afraid of admitting that you like saying or hearing certain things — passion chat can be a form of role play, and it can be good to experiment with different phrases or expressions to see if they heighten your sexual pleasure.

Some couples make up their own code words for sex, which has the added benefit of letting you talk about it in front of other people — especially your kids. I know one couple who referred to their sex play as "making cookies." "How'd you like to make some cookies later this weekend?" one or the other might ask when they were having dinner with their in-laws, and the sense of a shared secret makes the whole thing even sexier.

Talking about what you'd like is always a good start, and it has the added advantage of helping him know what you want. If you go this route, be sure to tell him not only what you like but also how it makes you feel. An added bonus of this kind of passion chat is that it can help you feel more turned-on, as well. For example:

Watch Video: Do You Want More Sex Than your Partner?

One great technique for passion chat is to take your cue from what he's actually doing, and then you can describe — as explicitly as you can — what it feels like. Have you ever noticed that saying things like "I'm exhausted" or "Wow, this tastes good!" can actually make you feel more tired or more contented? Well, it works the same way with sex. Saying that you're excited can make you feel more excited. For example:

I love it when you get really hard. I can feel you deep inside me… deeper… deeper Can you feel how I'm holding you in there… so tight… because I want you right there. Yes!

You can also use this technique when your guy is out of town and you want to try some passion chat by phone. Talk yourselves through a whole sexual act, either a real encounter you might actually have in your own bedroom or a fantasy describing a setting and activities that turn you on. Some fantasies are never meant to be acted out, so the phone is a great tool for this kind of sexy communication; and, of course, you might end up describing some things you'd actually like to do! One more advantage of passion chat is that it can open up some creative ideas and options.

Excerpted from The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex by Pat Davis © 2007. Excerpted with permission from Broadway, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher. For online information about other Broadway Books titles and authors, visit http://www.broadwaybooks.com.