Your husband has a serious addiction that needs treatment. Addiction to pornography is the same as addiction to drugs or alcohol; it can be progressive, and eat up huge chunks of a person's life. Very basically, what he is doing is escaping from real world relationships into a fantasy world. Doing this with your young son present means that his problem has gotten out of control.

Like all illnesses, this addiction needs to be treated immediately. He must be made to understand how sick and damaging it is not only to him, but also to you and your marriage. Through therapy he needs to find out what is bothering him so much that he needs to escape and also explore his issues with sexuality.

Getting your husband to begin counseling might be hard, so discuss the possibility carefully. Don't make him feel threatened, criticized or as if you feel there is something wrong with him. Instead, be gentle and clear. Let him know he is not alone, that porn addiction is a pattern that escalates, and so many others are going through it too. You can say something like, "Many people are having problems with addiction to porn these days because it is more available. It seems that the more you watch porn, the more you need it and also withdraw from real relationships. It is lonely for me, and disturbing, to see you, my husband, watching other women."

Make it seem as though the problem belongs to both of you, not just him. If you offer to go along for counseling, seeking help may not sound threatening to him. Another way to start this conversation is, "Many people are seeking help for porn addiction nowadays. Because of the problems it is creating, I'd like both of us to see a professional counselor to help us." This statement lets him know once again, that the problem is common, it doesn't mean he's "crazy" and that the proper action to take is to seek therapy.

If he refuses to go get help, you have to let him know that you don't want a relationship where your self esteem is being hurt and your partner is not available. Be strong. Tell him there are consequences to his decisions. Ask him how he would feel if you watched porn the way he did? If he is still unresponsive, then go for counseling yourself. Get support so that you can take positive steps for you. This addiction can chew up your life together, and your children's. Please take action as soon as you can.

Best wishes.

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