5. Penises are generally darker in color than the bodies they hang from. Why? It's part of the sexual maturation process, but it's also because during puberty nature introduces men to a special friend: their right hand. As Mr. Nice to Meet You Too, You Can Let Go Now will tell anybody who'll listen, your skin would darken too if you were manhandled that often.

6. There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size or nose size. And the bad news is even worse for gold-digging nymphos: There's no correlation between penis size and wallet size.

7. Masturbation, or "punching the monkey," is healthy. No, really. "Use it or lose it" isn't just an excuse for a guy's hands to migrate south; it's the official tested and studied conclusion of sex experts. The less a guy uses his sexual plumbing, the more problems he'll have pumping the well later on. It's only at Thanksgiving that you should tell your man, "Don't play with your meat."

8. Men will go limp if they drink too much. But how much is too much? About three and a half drinks for a 150-pound man. After that, the only thing standing upright in your house will be the vacuum cleaner.