Dear Sherry:
It's been so long -- two years -- since I had a man in my life! I just met someone I like, and I'm afraid I'm going to chase him away with my overeagerness. We've been on only a few dates, so it's early. Yet I find myself obsessing about him. How can I calm down and get some perspective?
Lee
Dear Lee:
You're on target to be wary of seeming overeager. Nothing turns off a guy faster than evidence that someone finds him magnetically irresistible. ("What's wrong with her not to see that so much is wrong with me,?" is the way his thinking goes.) You should act friendly, affectionate (within reason for the early stages of a relationship), happy to hear from him but not desperate for his call. Do not, upon pain of torture (I'll personally come to your home and rib you mercilessly), utter the "c" word until he's said the "l" one.
How can you not throw yourself at him while you're in this super-emotional, needy state? As you obviously realize, your feelings about this guy are less about him than about fear that if he vanishes so do your chances for a relationship. Not true. Although the pickings have been slim of late, fear not: Two years without a man may seem like a world's record, but it really is not. (I have the letters from women to prove it!) He is not the last man in the universe, so try to lighten up. And if things don't work out with him, at least you know your dry spell is over. Congrats for getting your feet wet again in the pool of love.
